Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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