After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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