i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
