I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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