You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
