taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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