Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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