i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
