Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
