I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
