My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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