Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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