Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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