Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
