I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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