It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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