So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
