considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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