Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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