I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
