so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i think i just lost a toe
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
