she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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