No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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