Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
