I wanna passion pit in your ass
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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