shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
