Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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