This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
