Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
