i think my tv is drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
