I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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