my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
