Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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