what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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