I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
