R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
