Three words: puerto rican gang bang
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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