i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think i have herpe
just one?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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