So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
