You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
