I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
