Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
