I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
