It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
