i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
