He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
