But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
