I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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