how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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