there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
