she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
nutella sex= disaster
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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