The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
