What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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