I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
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I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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