new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
