you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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