I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How does one acquire holy water?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?