He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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