what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
