do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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