sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
