He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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