my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
