Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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