I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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