We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
