i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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