That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
