he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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