You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
