Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
