pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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