Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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