She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Are we still banned from the library?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
