i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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