Tell her she can't have a vagina
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
