So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
