Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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