This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
