So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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