So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
