So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
