so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
