Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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