I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
