Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
