I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
operation harelip BJ is a go
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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